Grr this sucks

I have nine job applications that were due on Friday which I haven't sent out yet, and I am so overwhelmed by them that I cannot get started. Now that they're all late it's even harder, as I feel even more pathetic than I usually do applying for jobs. I know I should just focus on one, and I've picked one that doesn't require any new material, but it still requires a cover letter, and as it is a research university I feel so pathetic writing about my little research projects and how I might dare try to fit in with them'all.

If I am tempted as strongly as this to just give up, I wonder why I'm not as tempted to just send them anything, a carbon copy of previous letters, knowing that that is better than nothing? Because looking pathetic isn't better than nothing. Of course, I won't actually look pathetic, but try telling by cerebellum that.

The anxiety makes my legs and chest ache. I've bound them up with rope, and the tension actually makes them feel a little better. Though I haven't been thinking of myself as Aspergic recently, I am reminded of Temple Grandin and her hug machine (Temple Grandin is autistic and uncomfortable with other people touching her, but she likes the feeling of being enveloped, so she invented a self-hugging machine.)